Can we talk?
Published December 8, 2017
By Tom Campbell
B
y Tom Campbell, Producer and Moderator of NC SPIN, December 7, 2017.
There are moments when you just know that history is being made and the recent revelations of sexual misconduct and harassment indicate we are in such an historic time. Proof came when Time Magazine named the “Silence Breakers,” those no longer accepting the unacceptable, as Person of the Year. As Tarana Burke said, …“it’s not just a moment, but a movement.” Relationships between the sexes are deservedly changing.
There have always been examples of those in power acting badly towards those who aren’t. Having covered politics in North Carolina for many years I’ve heard rumors about legislators, elected or high-ranking government officials preying on those of the opposite sex. The same is true in the workplace, entertainment, sports and television sectors.
More often than not charges of inappropriate behavior have been leveled toward men, since they have traditionally been the ones in power. All too frequently victims have felt forced into silence or, when they did report improprieties, tribal or corporate loyalties forced complaints to be either swept under the rug or the whistleblower was the one punished.
History making changes are afoot and require new understandings. It is a given that inappropriate touching or lewd and suggestive comments are off limits, but when does being friendly with a cohort become inappropriate? I wouldn’t hesitate to tell a male colleague or friend that he looked “sharp,” but can you tell a woman that you like the jewelry, fragrance or clothing she is wearing? Can a man and woman meet privately in an office without a door being left open or another person present? Can males and females not travel together to meetings without risk of gossip or accusations of impropriety? New boundaries and expectations need defining.
Most women admit they’ve had an experience with harassment or intimidation. Women must learn to stick together against bad conduct. If a female is put in an uncomfortable situation it is imperative and only fair to say directly to the offending person that she does not appreciate that conduct and ask that person to refrain from it. If the situation persists a woman should immediately report the incidence to an appropriate authority, both in writing and in person, with sufficient details so the complaint can be properly investigated. The authority receiving the complaint has both a moral and legal obligation to investigate, keep records and report to superiors all accusations. Women must set boundaries, but they must also abide by them personally.
Men have corresponding obligations. If you see a cohort acting inappropriately you should call them out directly. If the actions persist you should report to the appropriate authority. Not all men behave badly, but when men turn their heads to bad behavior it can paint all men with the same brush. Your best defense is your history of respectful treatment. A cardinal rule is “no touching from the shoulders down.” Fowl language, suggestive jokes, intimidating or objectifying comments that sometimes occur in male-only settings are not appropriate in mixed company. Women must be treated with the same respect you would want for your daughter, wife or mother.
The bottom line is that in this time of change common sense and mutual respect are demanded. Since men and women may have different understandings of what is and isn’t acceptable we must have open conversations about where lines need to be drawn and changes needed.
Can we talk?
December 8, 2017 at 10:36 am
Johnny Hiott says:
This problem of "sexual harassment" just as the massive problems of murder, rape, robbery, destruction of people's property, etc. can be traced to one thing in history. When the courts and government threw God out of the schools and out of the public square. This nation's courts and "all" government entities from the lowest town council to congress and the mis-named supreme court have failed to uphold the law of the land : the Constitution. Without God there is no such thing as morality. Sadly those who are in govt. who are now facing the consequences of their lewd acts are not so different from most of the population. Don't misunderstand : They do NOT represent the masses but they certainly are representative of the masses. Sadly those who are resigning from high office are NOT resigning because of their perverted actions but because of politics. I remember when in grade school being taught of "lower life forms" however the teachers failed to mention the lowest forms. Politicians,who let the love of money and the lust for power take them completely over turning themselves into self serving anarchist who believe themselves above the law. Unfortunately the past few decades have proven just how much above the law they truly are. In this lifetime........
December 8, 2017 at 6:10 pm
Norm Kelly says:
'but when does being friendly with a cohort become inappropriate?' When one of the cohorts is male and the other is not. When one of the cohorts is not binary. Anytime a person of the female persuasion is present.
'but can you tell a woman that you like the jewelry, fragrance or clothing she is wearing?' NO! Any time you make any comment to any woman about anything about her, you have harassed her. It's time men start understanding the new rules. Used to be you held a door open for a woman. Now it's considered sexual harassment or degrading, demeaning behavior. You can't even look at a woman without offending her, let alone thinking you could or should make a comment, any comment, even a compliment, about any part of her/her jewelry/her hair/her clothing, or even the car she drove to work today. Automatic opportunity for suspension from job while your harassing behavior is under investigation. You were there, she was there, therefore, you are guilty. Nuff said!
'Can a man and woman meet privately in an office without a door being left open' NO! Again, it's time to realize that as a male you ARE in the wrong. No matter what, if you did nothing, said nothing, you are guilty and will be suspended by your employer until the investigation is complete. And then you will be fired. Remember, Hildabeast told us that ALL women must be believed. (then she qualified that by saying unless it was bill being accused, then the women are whores and must be personally punished.) (oh, and then there's the crazy/whack job Nancy who also says that when it's a demon doing the deed, it's to be excused if you don't know the accuser or there's only 1 or 2 accusers. But when it's a 40 year old complaint, with no evidence, because the perp is a Republican, the story is true and must be believed.) When a male & female meet for ANY reason, for ANY length of time, there are only 2 options. Leave the door WIDE open. Have a third person, preferably not a female, present as a witness. If necessary, there should be 1 other female and 1 other male present just to cover all the bases. It will still come down to 'he said she said' but the woman/women will be believed instead of any male!
'Can males and females not travel together to meetings without risk of gossip or accusations of impropriety?' Again, NO! The new rules, created BY women, say that no male shall be alone with ANY female for ANY purpose or it WILL be defined as sexual harassment or the male will be accused of cheating on his spouse. The only way any male can travel with any female is if one of them is non-binary. Under the new rules, what used to be called gay and is now non-binary automatically gets a pass for any/all behavior because they are part of the demoncrat protected class. God forbid the male is Republican, then traveling any where for any reason with any female not your spouse is automatic grounds for a law suit!
New Rules. Means new understanding. Understand you are guilty just because you are male. If you are a conservative/Republican male, you don't even have to be in the same room, you should expect a lawsuit by some female at some point. It's the new rules. And if you are a Republican who dares to run for an office that should be held by a demoncrat, charges will be made up just to cast a shadow of doubt upon you. The new rules even say that truth, facts, are not important, it's the nature of the charges that matter. As one demon pol once put it, it's the magnitude of the charges that matter, not the evidence. Get used to it cuz it's gonna hit you some day, no matter how nice, polite, friendly you are. Forget friendly; that's automatic grounds for a suit!
