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 Age Appropriate Behavior
by Tom Campbell
June 14, 2007
Early morning walks are a great time for both exercise and discussion of the issues of the day. Recently, my walking buddy and I took up the subject of age appropriate behavior.
It started out with observations about the Duke Lacrosse case. My buddy claims none of this would ever have happened had it not been for the rowdy party involving alcohol and strippers. His point is that Duke (and most all college campuses) has been far too lenient in condoning wild parties on and off campus. But my buddy says more than one person has told him he shouldn’t get so upset because this is “age appropriate behavior” for college students. Is it?
We quickly moved to the Virginia mom who threw a sixteenth birthday bash for her son, invited all his friends, took their car keys, and then served them beer. Age appropriate? Her defense was that all the kids are drinking and that she at least wanted them to be safe in her home when they did. A judge didn’t agree and gave the mom two years in jail. Was that an appropriate sentence for something “everyone” is do
I hear that for some, a high school graduation present from their parents is breast implants. Age appropriate? My walking buddy related a recent dinner with a health official who told him the latest trend in parties among middle and high school students involves oral sex. That discussion then ventured into details even I’m too prudish to write. My mom might read this. Age appropriate?
When I was a teenager my dad told me that if he ever caught me drinking he would beat the hell out of me. I believed him and didn’t do it. I had an 11:30 p.m. weekend curfew. I hated it, but upheld it. My buddy says that he and his best friend often double-dated. One night his friend was dating the daughter of a respected but tough judge. Before they left with their dates, the judge asked if the boys would ride around the block with him. During that ride the judge told them that nothing happened on the streets of their town after midnight in which they needed to be involved. He told them to have his daughter back before that midnight. My buddy says they were so nervous they had the girls back around eleven. Age appropriate?
A counselor friend postulates that as children grow up they seek to differentiate themselves from their parents. It’s like a testing process. If teen drinking is approved, tacitly or otherwise, it isn’t differentiation. The child will continue bolder conduct until it isn’t approved; then comes the differentiation. In other words, children want boundaries and will likely even go beyond them, but if there aren’t any boundaries they will continue testing behavior until someone or something stops them.
Who determines age appropriate behavior? The culture, educational institutions, friends, parents, our laws? Our state says it is illegal for those under the age of twenty-one to drink, but many tend to wink at that law and say it is appropriate for teens to drink beer. After all, they’re all doing it. Is it alright for ten year-olds? What is the appropriate age for sex? To hire strippers? Get breast implants?
If we can define what is and isn’t age appropriate are we then willing to draw the line and say we (the societal “we”) won’t accept those under a certain age doing certain things? Or is everything age appropriate? See what you’re missing by not walking each morning? |
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