It is back-to-school time, and the list of supplies, sign-up sheets, and extra activities seems to get longer every year. As I personally phase out of parenting in a K-12 world, I saw my role as shepherding student development as largely over. However, I’m also hearing that some of my peers are entering a new phase of hovering.
Modern classrooms may seem like a battleground of screen time, but the greater struggle is shaping self-reliance in an age of on-demand answers. A shocking new survey reveals that among full-time Gen Z workers, 45% regularly have a parent talk to their manager, 77% brought a parent to a job interview, and 40% had a parent sit in on the job interview.
A closer look shows just how far this involvement extends. Nearly 80% of Gen Z workers report their parents have direct contact with their boss. What may begin as support too easily morphs into substitution. And in doing so, it risks stunting the very skills employers prize most — communication, accountability, and self-direction. If students lean on parents to solve workplace challenges, they lose the opportunity to develop the independence that carries them through both setbacks and successes.
Generation X (aged 44-60) are a group of hustlers. We were raised by early Baby Boomers, who largely left us to our own devices. We came home when the streetlights came on and dug through old encyclopedias for our school papers. We did things the hard way, but it taught us resourcefulness and critical thinking, and now adding AI to that skill set is powerful. It is tempting to cut the learning curve for our kids, but that can erode the very grit we hoped to pass on.
A TOOL, NOT A CRUTCH
I understand why parents step in: it’s anxiety, love, empathy. But when those instincts tip into management, we undercut their potential.
Technology only sharpens the dilemma. Our kids may have AI, smartphones, and limitless apps, but convenience alone cannot forge critical thinking. Whether through over-involvement or over-reliance on tools, outsourcing their struggles means they never internalize the lessons of effort, problem-solving, and refinement.
North Carolina’s Department of Public Instruction has acknowledged this challenge, releasing its AI Guidebook last year. The guidebook encourages students to use AI responsibly through the EVERY framework: Evaluate outputs, Verify facts, Edit prompts, Revise in their own words, and remember that You are accountable for the work.
It’s not a bad framework to apply more broadly. This makes clear that AI, like parental help, should be a multiplier of effort — not a replacement for it. Used wisely, it can accelerate learning and efficiency. Used poorly, it can weaken independence.
TRUST THE PROCESS—EVEN WHEN IT’S MESSY
“Helping” our young adults is admittedly a habit that dies hard, especially when we see their anxiety or doubt. But there’s a difference between shepherding and overshadowing. Sharing your experience or your network can guide them toward better choices. Writing their resume or sitting through their interviews can prevent them from learning how to weigh options. Watching them repeat our mistakes may be painful, but that’s the practice field where independence is built.
A BALANCED ROLE FOR PARENTS
This back-to-school season, let’s reclaim industriousness, resilience, and self-direction for our young adults. That doesn’t have to mean stepping aside entirely. It means shifting from doing for them to guiding with purpose. As the John Locke Foundation’s call for a “Parents’ Bill of Rights” reminds us, parents have both the right and responsibility to shape their children’s growth. But shaping does not mean shielding, and support should never become substitution.
