Trump pumped over gift of $400 million 'palace in the sky'

Oval Office

1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, D.C.

Dear Qatar Royal Family,

Thank you so much for the $400 million luxury jet you gifted me recently. This new golden “Palace in the Sky” will go a long way toward filling the empty place in my coal-black soul according to Rev. Paula White, my prosperity preacher friend who has an office just down the hall.

You should give her a plane, too! JK. She made me promise to ask you, but I told her we might want to lay low because the “Demonrats” (haha!) are losing their minds about your most generous gift. What can I tell you, Qatar Royal Fam? They will do anything they can to hurt me including taking away my shiny gold sky palace. I told them only a very stupid person would turn down a free, very expensive airplane but they said accepting it was “unethical” which I’ve never heard of so I’m pretty sure they just made that word up.

I was all “Well, I guess we better give the Statue of Liberty back to Italy then” and they were all like, “You mean France?” and I was all like “Whichever.”

The Demonrats (haha!) are like a dog with a bone, right? They even tried to say the Constitution forbids me from accepting my beautiful plane which shows how stupid they are. They didn’t even HAVE airplanes back then so they couldn’t write about them. DUH!!!!!

The Republicans, on the other hand, don’t seem to mind my big, beautiful plane gift. Between me and you, Royal Fam, I was afraid they would maybe not support my plane because they made a big deal about Hunter Biden getting like $10 million in bribes from Ukraine and that wasn’t even TRUE, turns out, and this plane is like a billion times that much, more or less.

“The math doesn’t math.” People say that a lot these days and I still don’t know what it means. Anyway, I shouldn’t have been worried. The Republicans were like “What? That plane is SICK!!” and “Where’s mine?” and stuff like that.

I mean, it’s not unanimous but it’s close. You know Rand Paul, guy with the crazy hair, I like to call him “Randy Killjoy.” He says your family commits human rights violations all the time and it’s a bad look to accept a $400 million gift from you. I know, right? I can’t stop laughing either. Like we care about human rights. What a putz.

Royal Fam, I’m keeping this lovely, beautiful golden airplane and never giving it back. When I saw it on the runway at Palm Beach International a few months ago, I thought it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. It was like the first time I saw the First Lady except it wasn’t making me sign a bunch of papers saying I’d bring its family to America.

I told the Demonrats (can you believe I just made that up?) it’s just a gift and there are NO STRINGS ATTACHED. I said, “Look, it’s just like when you play golf, which none of them do because they are too poor and also LOSERS, and someone says: “Here, we’ll just say you did good on this hole, and we’ll all go to the next one!” You don’t say “I was going to lie about my score anyway!” No. You just say “OK, thanks!”

It's the exact same thing.

The losers who say I have to give my plane back also say it hurts our national security because it’s probably full of spy stuff so they can listen in on whatever is said.

They are soooo dumb. I told them that’s not true because you said there was absolutely no spy stuff on my plane. See? Asked and answered. But no. They were all like, “But they might not be telling the truth!” and I was all like “I think they are.” And, you know what? I don’t much care because, end of day, I get my plane. If you wanna listen in on Pete Hegseth’s vodka farts, fine by me!

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you officially. And, hey, if there’s ever anything I can do for you to show my gratitude, just let me know. Seriously. ANYTHING AT ALL. NAME IT!!!!

Gotta go. I’m going to send my golden plane to rescue some more wealthy white landowners from South Africa. I’m calling them MIGRANTS but these are the good kind. White and rich. We like the white, rich migrants, don’t we? I’m thinking they might give me some diamonds! Being president is the best thing ever and the best part is having great friends like you.

Very truly yours,

U.S. President Donald Jembezzler Trump